Rant

My life is fucking shit. I'm fucking shit. Everything is fucked up and I'm still fucking FAT!
My love life is beyond a fucking joke. My marriage is as good as over. I'm sick of all the fucking shouting and constant arguing. I'm sick of never feeling good enough. I hate the fact that I'm turning into a bad person, who's telling lies and doing awful, terrible things to 'get my own back' or just to cause another argument. My best friend doesn't talk to me anymore. My husband's family can't stand me. People at work are bitching about me. Not that that matters because I've left, but still. I have to book so many doctors appointments, but I have no time to fit them in and the smear test clinic NEVER answer the phone. And now I have toothache. And I'm due on! I've been bingeing and purging like there's no tomorrow. Last night one of my tortoises died and I'm absolutely fucking devastated. I had to leave the room at work at least 3 times today just to cry. I couldn't go to therapy this week because of work, but luckily I can get away early next week to see her. She called me today and I told her I felt awful and I really need to see her, but I couldn't talk because I was at work. Everything is just so fucked up and I don't know how to stop it and I don't know what to do so I'm only going to end up making it worse. And then today I had no appetite because I was so sad. I managed to have a biscuit and then I cried so much I puked. So after work my husband took me to get a potted tree to bury my tortoise in and I asked him to stop off to let me buy food as he said he wasn't hungry. And he was like 'oh well I'm glad you've still got your appetite' stfu you stupid fuck. I'm fucking passing out from dizziness and I'm supposed to be in recovery, so I have to eat. Fuck all this shit

First, I'm sorry about your tortoise...

Being a good person when bad things happen to you is practically impossible. I know everything about "the virtue" etc, but we are just humans. When we are sad, we need to cry. And we feel envy if someone else is happy. Sometimes we tend to project as well...

So, the ones that stay with you through this rough period are the keepers. The ones that leave should've done it long time ago.

Don't beat yourself up. Better days are yet to come. It doesn't seem like that from where you are standing, but they always do.

xxx