Going "home" rant

I'm heading back to my home town tomorrow, and I'm dreading it. I had so much to do today to get ready and I didn't do any of it, just cruised ED sites and chewed on a straw all day. My anxiety is through the roof. I don't want to stay in the hotel we'll be in, I don't want to wear a bathing suit (waterpark), I don't want to hang out with my dysfunctional family, and I don't want to deal with my parents. *headdesk* I wish there was a way to get out of this, but it's a big deal and I can't skip it. I've lost 50lbs since they saw me at Christmas, I look like death, and there's no way they aren't going to say something - I don't want to discuss it.

My high school BFF wants to go out and I don't know how to tell her there's no way in hell I'm drinking or eating crap with her. My husband is going to be super put out when he realizes that I'm bringing (safe) food for the hotel so I can avoid going down to breakfast with them. He's also going to be irritated when I insist on stopping at Subway for a salad instead of eating at DQ with him and Em. Then to add to the fun, I got a text from my sister this afternoon about more issues with my terminally ill father, and my codependent martyr of a mother - because there's not enough drama surrounding them to deal with already. UGH.

I just want to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head until Monday. I am such a fucking child.

Elsa, calm down. You're going, you can't change it. But try to focus on the things you will enjoy. They will definitely notice that you've lost 50lbs but remember you're an adult it's your life and your body. They're only concerned but at the end of the day, it's your business and your choice. Just politely tell them that the topic is not open for discussion. Do you have to go to the water park? It might end up being fun? Your husband will understand about the food and if there's an issue, just calmly explain that it is something you have to do and you're already stressed about the trip so you need the safe food as a familiar thing to keep your anxiety under control. And your friend? Could you not suggest another activity which will not be centred around food/drink? Like could you go to a movie or if you want to chat and catch up maybe a coffee shop where you can at least order something safer than alcoholic drinks

Thanks, Lorna, I was sort of freaking out this afternoon. I'm still not happy, but I'm breathing normally - that's something.

The waterpark is in the hotel, and I have a child - there's no avoiding it, but yes it could be fun. I'll stay covered as best I can, but I've lost too much for it to not be super noticeable. Nothing I can do about that now, and it's not like I didn't know this was coming. I guess I'll just deal with it - or rather, tell them I'm dealing with it. I'm not, but I will.

The friend I will text tomorrow - hopefully there's somewhere at the hotel we can camp out and chat. She likes to party, but I'm just not in the mood. We aren't hooking up until around 9pm - if all else fails, there's a 24 hour restaurant next door, maybe we can go drink decaf and pick at a salad for awhile.

And now, to make the whole situation even more interesting, my husband had surgery on Monday. Tonight he's in so much pain he's puking - poor guy - I'm on hold with the nurse-line at the clinic listening to a recorded ad for the Melrose Institute, our big ED clinic. Seriously?! That's kind of funny. On the bright side, maybe he won't want to go tomorrow. Em and I can go alone, and I'll be too busy with her to deal with anyone else. Hmm . . . that has possibilities. He doesn't like going anyway.


eta: Dr says the husband is fine, pain is normal, take more drugs. Poor hubby.

Aww poor hubby hope he gets better soon. Try not to freak out too much about the trip. Remember they're only concerned. when you go back home it's easy to fall back into old habits and old traps. It's almost as if you're a child again because you're back round your parents. While that can be nice eg them spoiling you or giving you lots of love, don't feel that you have to change your behaviour to make them happy. Show them that you're strong and you're coping well with your life and ultimately any decision you make is down to you. They don't have to agree, but just some support is good

Thinking of you Elsa, hope it goes ok. xx

Thanks ladies, so far so good.

Hubby's surgery complications kept him at home, so Em and I are having a girl's weekend. She loaded up at the breakfast buffet and is now camped out on her bed with breakfast and cartoons. It's cute. My sister is going to take her for a while today so I can go workout. I didn't get to yesterday and it's making me mental. After all that time in the car, I really need to move.

Not everyone was around last night. Just my sister and her family, and my cousin. Both responded to my weight loss with expletives and references to god and jesus. Fun times! I lied and said I was on Weight Watchers with some friends - yes I was losing fast but there wasn't anything to be concerned about. I feel like a bitch for that, but whatever. The true test will be my mom - pretty sure I can avoid her until late afternoon if I work at it, and then I'll tell her the same thing.

I took Em down to the waterpark as soon as we got here, and she doesn't like it, so only my sister saw me in my suit. I may not have to go back in - yay! Good thing too - it was lame, crowded, and the water was cold.

My friend got hung up with one of her kid's activities and didn't make it down. Whew! She's stopping by today after lunch, so we'll get to catch up without having to go out. Also good. So far this doesn't suck as much as I thought it would. It is cold and foggy though. We should have a fab view of the lake from our balcony, but all I can see is fog so far. Welcome home.

So I survived the weekend. Mom mom, BFF and aunt were clearly suspicious, but didn't push too much. My mom makes me mental - I could rant about her for days, but it's over, so I won't.

The weather was cold and crappy, but much better than it usually is in March. Last year the lakewalk was buried under several feet of snow and ice, so I was stuck on a hotel treadmill. This year I braved the cold and fog and ran it because I could. I used to run it every snow free day when I was in college, and it's the one thing about home I miss (well, that and the waterfront trail by my mom's house). The pics don't do it justice, but I wanted to share - hopefully the link works.

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The other "set" is a pair of pics crossing the river as I came back in to the city last night ( [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] ). That view is "coming home" to me now, and always makes me feel better after having been up north. Note the blue sky, sun and leaves.

All the pics were taken at a run, or in a car going 70mph - sorry if any are a little blurry, lol.

Oh wow it looks so pretty

It does look beautiful! I'm glad you ended up having an okay weekend

Ohh my, i would love to run there. It looks lovely. Also, can we have your home weather? Its miserable here today.