I messed up

Tonight's plan was to distract myself from binging.... well as soon as I had the house to myself, I ordered Chinese. I ate 13 spring rolls and a large portion of mushroom fried rice. I've just finished purging it and it makes me feel so disgusting to say, but I want to go and get the leftovers from the bin What the hell is wrong with me. I also accidentally ordered something containing egg, which I'm not eating during Lent. I just looked at it, smelt it and started crying because I wanted to eat it so badly, but I couldn't because then I'd have failed... I don't know how to stop this cycle. I purged so hard I couldn't walk without holding on to the wall and it was burning so much. I think I got all the Chinese up because I was heaving nothing and some of my lunch came up too. It's kind of scary that I'm so good at purging now because it's just like a green light for me to binge. I hate this.

Sorry, Lorna. I know it doesn't make it any easier, but we all slip sometimes. I wish I had something more amazing and insightful to say that would make it better. ((hugs))

Ice cream would make it better lol... but no ice cream for me for a while.... plus I know I'd still have the same feelings. I hate binges so much

Instead of binning it can you get rid of it more thouroughly so you can't go back and get it? I dunno how... I usually put things in the weelybin instead of my bedroom bin because the weely bin smells really bad. :p

But slipping up isn't the end of the world. You can do this. <3 x

Lol we only have the wheelie bin I went and put a bag of dog poo on top of it so no going back for me... I can see myself ordering more food tonight I bought it out of my savings account because I have no money left til pay day. It's so fucked up