eating is getting to be unbearable again.

So I normally have no problem with actually sitting down to a meal and eating. Normally for me its after the fact and then I purge or whatever. But these past few weeks I seriously cannot even begin to bring myself to eat! Christmas day I was just like what am I going to do? I ate very little and everyon was questioning me. It was just a terrible day all around because the whole time I was picking at my plate in disgust and guessing how many calories were in everything, everyone else was drunk and stuffing their faces. And trust me I wanted to get drunk to but again, the calories. so I was thinking hellllll no. It just sucks because I haven't been struggling like this for a very long time.

I still get like that especially in stressful situations. I think the idea of having to purge afterwards only adds to the stress. I try to distract myself when I'm eating by doing something else at the same time or talking, but sometimes it's just so hard