My grandmother died

My grandmother died yesterday. I don't know how I feel about it... Bit of background - she is (was ) my mum's step mum. She met my granddad when my mum was a teenager, so she was there since I was born and my brother and I never distinguished between her and my mum's mum. They were both Nanny - equal. Something happened when I was 16, which caused a massive rift between the family. My mum and her step-mum did not get on at all any more and from my grandmother's point of view, it was irreparable. I get it. They managed to tolerate each other for my granddad's sake and since my grandparent's moved out of London, it meant my mum only saw them maybe once or twice a year for the last few years.
My granddad died last year. I saw him only once since he'd moved to Devon and the first time I saw my grandmother was at his funeral. She was actually really nice to me. It felt like normal (considering) and I did feel some regret that I hadn't gone down to see them before. Anyway after the funeral the contact with my mum stopped and apparently she stopped talking to my mum's brother too - even though as far as I know they got on.
So now I'm in the situation that I'm trying to mourn for someone who in reality was a stranger to me. My nanny was the woman I knew growing up. I already lost her, my granddad, her two children (my aunt and uncle), when I was 16. I've already cried over that. I've already felt cheated and angry and sad. I mourned that grandmother almost 8 years ago. On top of that my mum hasn't spoken to her step-sister who will be organising the funeral. I don't even know at the moment if we'll even be welcome there. It feels wrong that I should have to wait to be invited to my grandmother's funeral, but that's the reality of it.

Ohh im sorry Lorna. A loss is a loss, no matter how close you was or not. In reality, shes your grandmother and it will be hard regardless of how many times you saw her. Why wouldn't you be welcome there? You didn't cause a rift between your family, its just affected you, but its not your fault. Could you get in touch with your mums step sister? And ask about the funeral?

This reminds me of my situation as well, i haven't spoke to my Dad in over 10 years, so i didn't use to visit my nana and grandad because they would force me to try and make up with my dad (who didn't want to anyway) and my nana died a few years ago. I felt guilty because i had seen her like once a year, and now its just my grandad left i still dont go see him. I text him, but its hard to be the bigger person sometimes.

Also, if the family on your grandmothers side cant understand that the situation has nothing to do with you, then that would be pretty sad. I hope you will be ok Lorna. xx

It's awkward really. I don't have contact details for her... umm and also, I'm not 100% sure it's true... My mum has a tendency to say people have died when they haven't :/ I'll just have to wait and see if she gets in touch. I think it's really unfair on me (and my brother) because they argument was between them. But I can see it from their point of view. Just have to wait and see I suppose

Well the funeral will be next week so I'm going to travel down there with my mum and my brother then make my own way home in the evening

So sorry, Lorna. Family relationships can be so tricky - I'm sorry yours is causing you confusion and grief on top of grieving your grandmother.