I don't even know where to put this

You know when you think you're doing so well, but really you're not? Or you think you're getting over something. but you're not? Or you don't think about something in forever and then something completely random and unrelated happens and then BAM you're right back there again?
I haven't had nightmares or flashbacks for a while now. Maybe a little bit, but not enough to effect me the next day or anything. Just snippets. I think about bad things that happened, but the nightmares and the flashbacks are different. With that I'm actually there. Anyway I went to the doctor this morning about my back injury and suddenly before I know it, something else has come up and he's examining me. Internally. And I have to go to hospital for another examination. With an 'instrument'
So that just flooded everything back. Everything. And I could feel it because the feeling was real because of what he did and the feeling will be real again when I go to the hospital and I can still feel it now and I want to be sick.
I wanted to starve. I wanted to binge. I wanted to purge. I wanted to cut. I wanted to get angry. I wanted to cry. But I didn't. Well, I cried a bit. But none of the other stuff. Progress I suppose

One step at the time, love. Just think: how severe would your reaction be if you needed to be examined 6 months ago? Or a year? That means progress... And progress is not on/off switch...

Heavy wounds (inner and outer the like) need time to heal. Yes, scars remain but just to remind us how strong were we at the time of despair.

Take care xxx

xxx