Hello everyone !!!!!

Hi everyone,

Hope you are all well ??

I'm doing ok, it's just getting really hard again, I no longer weigh myself at home, I chucked my scale out, well tried to smash it with a hammer but the toughened glass just wouldn't break so I just chucked them in the bin. I haven't weighed any of my food out for nearly 2 weeks now which I really do not like at the moment. Therapy wise, I am starting trauma work on the 11th September for 12 sessions, so there will be no new food challenges during this time, my meal plan will stay the same and I will still be weighed weekly but in the food front that is all until the trauma work is done and out of the way. Really not looking forward to the trauma stuff but it has to be done.

I passed my module at Uni which was a relief and I start my Psychology Degree in October so just taking a small break from study till then, then its off I go study like mad until my undergraduate degree is complete.

Great job on passing the module! It is great to hear an update from you. Great job on chucking the scale too, I tossed mine out (okay, my fiance did it for me) about almost a month ago and it's been going well. Also I'm proud of you for starting to break the weighing your food habits.

Trauma sessions sound really scary, but I am hoping you get something good out of them!!

Hey hun good (I think) to see you on here again. Are you ok? Like properly ok? I think you're doing so well. I look how far you've come and it's amazing. It's a bloody huge achievement. Do you know what type of therapy you'll be having for your trauma? It will be hard, but not as hard as you think. I found when I started talking about my past traumas I started to feel relieved and they didn't seem as scary any more. If you ever want to talk to me about that, I'm here for you

Keep up all the good food habits. You're doing so well and you seem happy. I hope you are.

To be honest guys, it's getting really hard again, had a complete flip out on Sunday, I actually felt like I had lost the plot and was screaming and shouting and throwing stuff around, which then led to using negative behaviours.

I rang my psychologist, something I never do, to ask her something about the trauma work and what it would involve, she asked how I had been so I told her what had happened at the weekend and how it felt, it just didn't feel real, almost dreamlike, she asked if I knew what the trigger was and I said I know what the trigger was but really do not want to discuss it, I suppose I should try and be honest with her as she is trying to help me, but this time around I am not sure I can be that honest, it is linked to the trauma that is resurfacing.

So on my next session I am being assessed again and we are going to talk in more detail about the trauma work. So at the moment I am back to just trying to get through each day again meal by meal and trying not to engage in behaviours, which I must say have been getting bad again.

I was warned it was going to get tough again, but not this tough.

Babe, you don't deserve to feel this way. I've been suffering with PTSD for years because of something that happened to me when I was a teenager. It has fucked my whole life up. It is going to be really difficult to open up about things, but what you have to remember is that you're safe now. Nothing bad can happen to you in therapy. It is scary, but it's not something to be scared of. You're obviously thinking about this trauma all the time and it's effecting you even when you're not thinking about it. You have to remember that no matter how hard it will be to talk about it, it will not be as bad as the trauma itself was. And you've already survived that. And you're still surviving every day. Does that not prove to you how strong you are? You deserve to be rid of this. You will never forget, but you will cope. You don't deserve to feel bad, you deserve to get better and you have so much to live for. Never forget everything you have done and achieved. That was all you. Don't be scared to let someone help you with this, because this is not something you have to do alone xxx