Don't know

I'm feeling suicidal. That's okay, that's normal. But I kind of feel like I could be nearing the point where I do something. I've been loading myself with things to do, with distractions, with things that make me look happy and normal. But it's not enough. It's never enough. None of it is. It scares me that I could do something. So maybe I don't want to die. I don't know. I just know that I'm nearing that point where I could try something. I've been chatting to Nomi and Fattie and they've made me smile, so thanks girls

How are you doing now??? I really care about you <3

I hope you're feeling better<3 sorry not to respond soon <3 Im here if ya need me <3

I feel so much worse this morning. I tried to text a friend and tell him I was feeling low. I don't want to tell my husband because I don't want him to worry. It's not like I'm planning on doing something but if I told him, he'd be keeping so a close eye on me that it would make me uncomfortable and more anxious about how I'm feeling. Anyway my 'friend' told me "I've told you I don't want to hear stuff like that. There's nothing I can do." Well fuck you. There's nothing anyone can do.

Let me just tell you that it's probably the consequence of on-and-off anti-depressants use. Most of those meds have a note in patient's instructions, stating that suicidal thoughts could happen during the period of adjustment, and since you haven't been taking yours for a while, you are (re)adjusting to them. Hang in there, when chemicals get balanced again, it will subside.

<3

That friend is an ass. He should have been there for you. I hope things look up soon <3 Let me know if there's anything I can do

I'm so sorry I haven't replied to texts, I'm out of credit. Facebook me if you need me. <3
And hang on. I know it's tough, but it's probably the medication. You could ring a hotline if you feel really bad, I usually talk to childline, but there are others I'm sure you know of. xx

Thanks hun. I showed my friend at work the texts from Peter (the on/off/i love u friend) but we didn't get much chance to talk. I feel a little bit better today and made sure I took my medication. That makes it three days in a row now and I'm going on Monday for a new prescription. I came home from work and did a lot of housework and sang along to 90s music. My doggy helped lol. I feel a bit better today.

Good. <3

Glad you are feeling better hun xx

When I first started taking anti-depressants they made me feel suicidal, I didn't tell one which was the wrong thing to do, I'm not going to say what happened next.

If you are still feeling like that it might be worth to take a trip to the GP.

I hope you are ok hun xxx

I'm feeling a bit more stable today. I'm seeing my GP on Monday. I don't really want to say anything because I don't want them to think I'm an immediate risk because then the topic of going in to hospital will come up. I will have to speak to my psychiatric consultant to change my medication, but firstly I'm planning to stop seeing her and secondly I don't think I would have had a problem if I hadn't stopped taking my tablets. Anyway I'm feeling a bit better so I will just carry on and see how I go. Thanks for everyone's support. Love you all

I am glad you are starting to feel better. Does your GP know that you were off your meds for a bit? You could tell them that and then mention the thoughts but that getting the meds back in your system is quieting them and that you do not have any plans to harm yourself. It is good for them to know those things, and since you are feeling better with the medicines then there shouldn't be an issue with the hospital. Reassure them that your husband has been looking after you and is helping to remind you of why you need to keep on with the medicines.



I hope you are doing okay today. I love you lots.

I will try to mention it. Sometimes when I'm in my bad, BPD place, I get paranoid about talking to people about stuff, but I'll try.

Love you lots xxxx