Hi everyone

Hi everyone, not been on much, been a rough patch, I was doing thought diaries when stuff from the past started to surface and the realisation of what it was has hit me like a ton of bricks, I have gone from not being able to function, to binging and purging, now to restriction. I can function when I restrict.

I just cannot cope with the feelings/emotions that are coming up, really intense and I don't like it.

I have spent so long numbing out my feelings/emotions and being in a state of feeling nothing, that I really can't cope with it.

I have spent the most part 3 weeks just laying there on doing anything apart the basics that have to be done.

My psychologist is aware of what has resurfaced, the only way I could it was to write it down and hand it to her, she doesn't the know details, and tbh not looking forward to seeing her next week nows that she knows. She is the only person that knows and just can't help thinking that she thinks I am overacting and making a mountain out of a molehill.

Hope you are all ok xxxx

If it's mountain for you - than the mountain it is. When a problem arises, it is not the issue of how big it really is - the thing is how big and hard it is for the one facing it. So, you have the right to make it as big or as small as you see fit.

However, the key is: how you act on that problem. If you perceive it as big as Himalaya and crawl in your hole and do nothing - it will not go away. You need to find the way of dealing with it. And that's the tricky part...

We are here for you if you need to talk, vent, whatever <3

What it is is not what is important, what matters is how it makes you feel. Everyone reacts to different situations in their own way and something which won't phase you could really bother me or vice versa. You are entitled to feel the way you do and you can't control or help how you feel. If it is bothering you, it is important. And it has led to you doing all of these things to yourself and ultimately just ending up feeling miserable and not doing the things you deserve to be doing. I think you are so brave for putting it out there to her - I know how hard it is for you. But once you talk it through and process it in your mind, you can come to understand how you're feeling and find better ways to cope with the emotions. The way I look at it is, you have already experienced this thing and it has already made you feel as bad as you've ever felt, so even when you come back to the emotions, you are not going to feel any worse than you already have. And you have already survived/coped with those feelings. The difference is this time you are going to have some help and be able to learn some more effective ways to cope. You are so strong and I'm so proud of everything you've achieved. I'm always here for you, we all are, so don't be afraid to reach out. We love you babe xxx

Thank you guys, last session we did talk about it but my memory of last session is very vague, she did say that it sounds like I buried it straight away and never dealt with it.

I am feeling better but the way I have got feeling better is how I always cope and gone straight back to the eating disorder to numb out, so will see how the next session goes xxx

(((hugs))) LRT. It is so much easier to slip in to old coping mechanisms than it is to build new ones, but it sounds like you have a good therapist and are finding ways to be open/honest with her. Just keep doing that if you can - the more she knows, the more she can help.