not sure

So now my parents know about my bulimia and I went to an eating disorder clinic and they accepted me for IOP or partial hospitalization (if my parents want to pay since theyre not in network with my insurance for php) and to live in their house for the first week or so of recovery.
Now after all that I have no idea if I really want to recover. I have no idea if I can or not, like my home environment is one of my biggest triggers (I've b/p more while home for spring break than I ever do while at school) and I would be living at home for IOP or PHP and I just can't see myself recovering. I know my therapist back at school will not be happy to hear about my new thought process because before I left for spring break I was much more sure about wanting to recover. Now I'm not sure if I can, I'm not sure what my parent's response would be to this new news because on the test they gave me I scored higher than the average college aged girl with an eating disorder in every area minus one and my parents saw that chart so they know this is serious. I don't think I will be able to recover and now I'm freaking out about it all. Because the center just called to talk about making the final plans for my treatment over summer.

I think you should talk to your therapist and the centre about it. I'm sure it's very common. For me I have certain situations where I know I will binge more. A massive part of treatment will be about dealing with the emotions around being at home and why it leads more to your disordered behaviour than when you're at school. Recovery will be hard, but it isn't impossible. Is it that you no longer want to recover or is it nerves? If it's something you want to do, don't deny yourself the chance. The longer you're in your disorder, the harder it will be to recover. Take your time to think it through, listen to yourself because you are the best judge. Don't be afraid because I believe that you can do it if that's what you really want