stupid day

Pizza and breadsticks. Cheese and bacon and sausage and marinera and....binge

Then hate and disgust.

Now debating laxatives.

A good day ruined by a stupid family dinner. Just once I would like to be a normal 22 year old for a whole day. Or to just not hate myself so much for not being thin enough to gain control of my life. There is not a single thing that is nt stressing me out.

Im sorry dont freak out its okay to eat like that sometimes <3

Tomorrow is another day. You have to start each day positive and don't dwell on what you see as mistakes from the day before. You can't undo it now. You won't get to your GW in one day, so you will not ruin all of your progress in one day either.

Thank you both so much. I was (am?) just so frustrated. I feel like my ED is a joke and that I have no right to even say that I might have a problem because I'm not thin. I mean sure I've gone fron 203 to 158 in a year but it took me a year, and people with EDs can do that in 6 months. I know I do have a problem and binges are a part of having ed-nos or whatever but the stupid voice in my head tells me I can't have a problem because I'm not 112 pounds or 108 or 99 or something tiny. I always think that "if only I could fast or eat 100 cals a day and never binge then I'd be there..."



I ttok laxatives last night. I accidently took too much (it wasn't a pill form so I measured wrong and took 3 tablespoons instead of teaspoons) 3 times too much. So I spent the night in pain everywhere. I managed to not gain weight (okay, pretend I didn't since the lax thing makes it impossible to know my true post binge weight)



I hate myself a lot and the ED voices just keep getting worse lately.

Im sorry bout takin too much >.< but i know how ya feel about your ED being a joke, its not, but i feel like that alot too <3 im here for ya girl <3