I'm not getting better.

I thought I was fine, I was eating pretty well for a bit. Then I decided (okay, me and Joe both decided) that we can healthily lose some weight. Now I'm slipping. I'm not getting better and I'm not sure I even want to. I purged while he was at work, I've had some binges and I'll go the day without eating until dinner time. The other day I managed to eat almost nothing, workout and skip dinner and it made me feel great, like I was winning, I was going to lose weight. I exlplained this to Joe and he was very caring about it. I couldn't explain to him that it was a once in a while thing. I can't explain to him that my ED is making its way back into my life and I just don't care. I can't get better on my own, and because of this I just don't want to. I just want to lose some fucking weight.

dont throw the towel in hun recovery is worth the fight x

Sam you can get better on your own. There's no other way. Of course, you will need support, but it is you who will have to make the decision to recover and you who will have to do the work. No excuses, no blame, just you. It might not be the right time for you now, but one day it will be and I know that you are strong enough to do it. Everything in life is a choice and you are in control of your choices and your own life. Keep at it, you're doing so well xxx

Well, if recovery was easy there wouldn't be so much fuss about it. ED's are addictive and it takes a while to give up an addiction - not to mention willpower, persistence, learning, developing and support. Notice I listed support at the end. If you have nothing but support, you'll end up with nothing recovery-wise.

Take your time, you don't have to put deadline on your recovery. It will be lots of ups and downs along the way, but at least you'll be heading there.

xxx