Slipping

I feel myself slipping back into my ED. I have been doing well, but lately my mind keeps screaming at me. I feel fat and selfish and ugly. My boyfriend is so supportive with my eating, never lecturing when I miss a meal but letting me know whzt I should be doing. He is great about talking to me and coming up with alternatives when I sayI want to binge on cake for dinner. He cooks healthy for me.

But, when I am home alone it is hard. I just don't want to eat. I juat want to lose a bit more weight. I can't tell him because I am afraid of triggering him. I am going to ruin his recovery because I can't make myself eat. Ugh. Fml

It's a really tough one. When you get into a new relationship (even non-ED people) there's that temptation to lose a little weight. But you know that the way you're doing it isn't healthy or that it won't be just a little that you plan to lose. So you'll restrict too much and then end up binging. And it must be so hard not wanting to trigger him, but I'm sure he's going to be picking up on these things and he's probably feeling the same way as you are or thinking lose a little. You need to be able to be open with him and talk about your limitations ie what you can and can't discuss with each other, what will be a trigger etc. Also you could come up with some sort of code like a word or action which means, I can't talk ED at the moment, I'll be triggered. And then you'll know not to bring it up. It's really important that you can talk to each other though because you don't want any secrecy. It's only going to make your ED worse and it won't do you relationship any favours either